Its 4:46 a.m.

Ahh, the quiet nights of mania.  I feel so carefree.  I was just walking around outside and laid on the back patio.  It is about 39 degrees (F) outside.  Typical weather for this state and time of year.  I spent the day raking leaves with my grandsons, ages 8 and 4.  What a blessing and joy they are.  I often wonder how my own mother could have given me away at the age of 13 (made me a ward of the state).  I have long forgiven her for that was the only way to start to heal myself.  But when I see my grandchildren I think about my own two girls growing up.  They are now ages 31 and 28.  My mother missed a major part of my life, but she also missed being involved with her grandchildren.  I just don’t understand that?  I have two sisters and three brothers.  The rate of alcoholism, depression and suicide in family is extraordinarily high.  My mother always said, “I sat on a bar stool and drank beer and smoked cigarettes with everyone of you kids and there ain’t nothing wrong with them.”  Uhm, yeah, right mom.

Anyway, I don’t want to talk about her.  I have been so into myself and it feels WONDERFUL.  My house is cleaner than it ever has been.  I am actually getting used to this old house and now “see” the old woodwork and charm that everyone else has seen all along.  I had such a hard time letting go of the big house.  But really, what do Buck and I need 5 bathrooms for, or two kitchens, I think I counted six refridgerators in the house.  But it wasn’t THE house, it was that Buck and I designed the house.  I decorated every room.  I had my dream kitchen I did in Tuscany grapes.  I had the big sub zero stainless fridge and freezer (we used to joke we could hide bodies in there), my double ovens and six burner range stove with grill, all stainless steel.  And Buck built all the cabinets.  I had two stain glass grape cabinets on either side of the stove range hood.  But I also wanted the room to have that old world charm.  I showed Buck a picture of what I wanted and he came up with this great idea.  People thought he was totally nuts when we told them about it (until they saw the finished result).  What we did was stain the wood and then before we varnish he went around with a blow torch and LIGHTLY blackened the edges.  We then sanded those down and put a high gloss varnish on.  They were so awesome.  And of course we had the added benefit of the walk out summer kitchen.  We spent the three months of summer on that back porch.  And I really really miss my bathroom.  I had this big two-man whirlpool tub with lights and heater.  A huge shower for two with multiple shower heads.  Heated tile floor.  Big bay window.  I always lit with candles.  To sit in a normal bath tub the water only comes up to my waste and I am freezing.  Nothing is the same.  So, yes, I was indeed greatly spoiled and it took me a long time to adjust to our financial fall from grace (mainly my fault).

But, back on track here.  When we first bought this house we purchased it to flip.  Then the market went to shit so we rented it.  We have had numerous rental properties before, but my God, what the damage the last renter did to this house made me sick.  She had two large dogs, one cat and a bird.  In the winter she let them shit in the basement (use your imagination of the smell when I walked in the door.)  So we stripped everything downstairs, bleached the walls and sealed and painted them.  Thank God we got rid of the smell.  Back to this house, it is about 80 years old and has all of the original old hardwood floors, doors, and windows, the two corner lead-glass hutches in the dining room.  It even has the original old ironing board cupboard that pulls out of the wall and the old milk box in the back where they used to deliver milk.  But what is really amazing is that all the doors still have the original hardware, the old skeleton key locks.  You never find those anymore.  We stuck a lot of money into the house when we bought it so its basically a new old house.  We had all custom windows made so we could keep the old wood screens that are inside the house and open into the rooms (with the hardware).  New siding.  Thats how we found out there was NO insulation in the exterior walls and where we live that is unheard of (very severe winters).  Thats one of those things you find when you remodel, which is why Buck hates doing it so much.  Too many unknowns.  Anyway, continuing on, we put on a new roof, gutted the kitchen and bath and made that all modern and new.  There was basically storage and attic up above so we gutted that out and added a huge master suite upstairs with a sitting room, large master bath (just a shower, this was supposed to be a flip house), and two huge closets.  All the original woodwork was stripped and refinished.  So, like I said, its basically a new old house.  We kept all the original woodwork throughout.  And I don’t need to to hire three cleaning ladies to clean it.  I clean it myself, well, thats not exactly true.  I usually rope one of the girls or one of my girlfriends to come and help me.  We blast the sterio and have some wine.  Sometimes we never do get around to actually cleaning, but its all good.

Then Buck finished off the basement and built me a my huge office, three more large closets (I have a lot of clothes) {WHICH DONT FIT RIGHT NOW, GRRRRR), finished the laundry room, added extra shelving for my kitchen “stuff” and a third 1/2 bath.  Then when I came home from the hospital this last time he had split my office in half and set up my art studio.  I explained that in an earlier post.

So, the boys are sleeping like little angels not 20 feet from me, Buck is sound a sleep upstairs, the house is clean, the fridge is full of food (I love to cook too), the laundry is done, and the paint is drying on my easel, I just finish a novel and am not going to sleep today.  All is right with the world.

Love, and God Bless,

Me 🙂

PS:  It is now 5:46 a.m.  –  A little ironic.  I will go lay down so Buck doesn’t worry that I was awake again all night. (sssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh)